Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Randomize
