the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Randomize
