Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Randomize
