Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
