i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
