I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
