Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
