There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Drunk is not a location!
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
