Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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