He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
