IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
