Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
