Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
