I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
