Why does Corona taste like a burp?
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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