Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Randomize
