I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Randomize
