I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
I had to cum in my sink.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
