You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
He? As in you personified your dick?
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
