oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
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