the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
