He had one of those small greek statue penises
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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