So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
