party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
