I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
