So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Randomize
