I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
