whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
