doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
