My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Randomize
