A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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