After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Randomize
