Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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