I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Randomize
