she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I touched a dick in church today
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
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