i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize
