So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Randomize
