Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Randomize
