Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
