he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
