I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
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