I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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