ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
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