i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Randomize
