I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Randomize
