There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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