Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
