My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Everyone says I win the strip club
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
