That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
I could make wine with my vomit
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Randomize
