i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
