Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
