literally had 100 drinks last night.
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
