i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Randomize
