Michael Bay diarrhea
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
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